Letter from the Editor's Lackey: We Have the Dice Nerds Crave

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December 17, 2001

We Have the Dice Nerds Crave

...Or at least we will, soon... Hopefully in time for Lord of the Rings' premeire, later this week, so we mighty SAC Scratchers can clear paths for ourselves simply by tossing handfuls of the twenty-sided little things into the corners of the theater, and watching all the nerds scramble like mad just to get a-one of them.

Hmmm... This reminds me of the Flash-animation I wanted to do of the director's cut of "Rings." No, this wouldn't be Peter Jackson's true desire to see Gandalf lay into them little Hobbit bastiches with a lawn-mower... It was this other idea I had, for just a three-minute movie...

Animated in the style of the '70s version, it opens on Frodo and Samwise climbing a mountain... Music fades in: It's Aerosmith's Dream On.

Frodo pulls out a guitar.

Samwise pulls out his.

Frodo nods.

Sam nods back.

They rock out.

They rock out so hard, in fact, that Sauron, sitting on his throne miles and miles away, starts to shake, then his skin bubbles up, and then (right when Steve Tyler hits the high note and starts repeating "Dream O-o-on! Dream O-o-on!") Sauron's head explodes.

Listening to the song again, I notice there are still quite a lot of "Dream o-o-on's" still to come after that point. No prob: We just keep cutting back that first Sauron's-head-exploding scene. For effect.

The music winds down. Samwise nods to Frodo. Frodo nods back.

And down the mountain they climb... Flush with the thrill of victory? Sure. But that triumph is tempered with the knowledge that they're never going to be the same again.

Now send me money, and I'll send you a map to where I buried some dice.

Posted by Bashful Bryan at December 17, 2001 12:00 AM

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